ineedanepiphany | (no subject)

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He's not pouting about it, really. People are still coming over, mostly, and there will still be sweets, even if it's not birthday cake. Seokjin tries to keep Namjoon's suggestion in mind that they've asked for hotteok so that he doesn't have to cook all by himself (never mind that he wouldn't have to cook at all if he bought a birthday cake). He's almost finished getting everything ready too. The hotteok batter is proofing. The miyeok guk is simmering on the stove.

A text went off an hour ago with a generous birthday gift from his father. The number still makes Seokjin's stomach twist to think about.

And maybe he should have just reminded the others that today is his birthday. It's just that he'd sort of hoped they'd remember without him saying but maybe that's just a selfish expectation.

He really shouldn't pout. But he does have the face for it.

There's a knock on the door and a buzz from his phone and Seokjin smiles his biggest smile. At least someone's come. That should be enough.

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Yoongi snorts, rolling his eyes again. He really does want to tell Seokjin. This just isn't the right time. As much as he's sure Jin will be happy for him, he doesn't want to risk causing any drama tonight. They get enough trouble the rest of the week.

"Good," he says, resting a hand on Jin's leg, the other stretched along the back of the couch. "I didn't want you to think we forgot, but... I'm glad you're having fun." He can't even say that's sad, because it's not. It's actually a pretty good party, and, anyway, if all six of the others showed up and surprised him... Well, he's not a big fan of surprises, but he thinks he'd like it anyway.

"I did think you had," he confesses, feeling a little bad for doubting his friends now. "You were all very convincing. It made the surprise better." In the end, it's all worked out, even if he's going to have to get Jungkook back for the glitter somehow. He even managed to get a second strawberry before Taehyung took them all.

Sitting up a little, he gives Yoongi's hair a friendly ruffle, scratching at the scalp just like a pleased cat. "You really do look happy. Even if you won't tell me why."

"The more you ask, the more fun it is not to tell you," Yoongi says, smirking, before he realizes that's still admitting there's something to tell. At least he knows Jin won't press too much. He might tease and prod and pretend to make a fuss, but there won't be anything real in it. It's a relief to know how much he can trust him.

"Later," he says, a little softer. "Just not yet."

But there is something, Seokjin realizes. He narrows his eyes at Yoongi again, like he can stare the answer out of his friend, but Yoongi's always played a better sphinx and there's no beating a master of the game. Instead, he just relaxes in his seat and slouches down so that he can rest his head on Yoongi's shoulder.

"Only if you promise to keep looking so happy."

"We'll see," Yoongi says, lifting his head, then resting it on top of Seokjin's. "I promise to try. Will that do?"

He's pretty sure, though, that he can manage it. He's spent so long trying to fight off being miserable or just numb, it never occurred to him he could actually be this happy. It's only been a few days, but he's still riding high on this change in his fate. It's hard to imagine that changing any time soon.

"I mean, since it's your birthday, I can try."

Seokjin lets out a content sigh and tries to make it sound long-suffering instead. It doesn't quite work, even for his usually practiced levels of melodrama, but given how good Yoongi is at seeing through him, he hopes it won't matter. "Trying would be a lovely birthday present," he agrees. "And if you don't, you also already gave me another birthday present that I can menace you with."

Yoongi snorts. "Please don't kill anyone with your birthday present," he says. "I don't want to be an accessory to murder. Or dead."

This is surprisingly cozy, Yoongi finds. He's never been the most outwardly physically affectionate of them, but it's nice just to curl up against Seokjin's side now, to listen to the soft contented sigh he gives, to feel he's somewhere he belongs. He could tell Seokjin now and the other boy would be happy for him. Knowing that is enough for now. There will be tomorrow for more.

"Then I guess you'd better keep smiling for tonight," Seokjin concludes. It's really true, sometimes. If he and Yoongi had just fallen for one another, they'd be sort of perfect. His friend is a comfortable, familiar shape next to him, warm but without pressure. Of course, none of them have ever been so tidy as all that, but it's nice to wish.

For once in his life, that's easy enough. Yoongi rolls his eyes anyway, more out of habit than anything else, as if Seokjin might be able to feel it even if he can't see it. "I'll try," he says. "So you like it? The knife? It was Taehyung's idea. We had to come over last night and make sure you didn't have one already." He smirks, pleased with their little bit of espionage. Frankly, he thinks it's impressive they managed to pull it off without Jin guessing what they were up to or that they're together now.

Seokjin smiles wide, nodding enthusiastically. He wonders if his friends realize how few actually personal gifts he's received on his birthdays. Everything from his family has been expensive and not to his taste, even his now-beloved truck. If Seokjin had had his choice, it would have been something more agile, less aggressive. It's only now that he has to wrangle seven people from place to place that he loves it.

"It's perfect," he says. "Is that why Jungkookie didn't protest when I made him eat the really hot noodles? You were too busy spying?" Because that thought delights him almost as much as the gift itself.

Yoongi laughs, delighted by the memory. Poor Jungkook. "No, he did the spying," he says. "I was the distraction. He just did that 'cause he likes noodles. And you, I guess." If it hadn't been for Jin's encouragement — and the fact he did the cooking — Yoongi doubts Jungkook would have eaten noodles that spicy. Still, that was his own mistake to make. "Glad you like it."

He kind of wishes he'd had a chance to get a gift of his own for Seokjin, but Christmas is coming up fast and he'll make up for it then.

Seokjin laughs at that. "There's liking noodles and then there's taking one for the team," he says. The normal spicy ramyeon isn't bad, especially when the noodles themselves are so good, but the 2x sauce is probably a bit cruel.

"I really mean it, you know. This is the best birthday I've had in a really, really long time." If he weren't surrounded by friends so invested in him being happy, Jin thinks he might be crying from how much they've touched his heart tonight.

Yoongi reaches over to touch Seokjin's leg briefly. "Good," he says. He knows enough about Seokjin's family not to be surprised by that. They seem like the kind of people who buy expensive gifts with no meaning behind them. Even if the group only managed to get him one gift, at least they thought about what he likes and all tried. Of course they're better at it. It's just a relief to know it all worked out and that Jin feels as loved as he is.

"We're your real family."

Seokjin knows it's true and he's thought the same thing so many times, but hearing Yoongi say it makes some wall just crumble inside himself. Emotion seems to surge outward from his heart and all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes and, embarrassingly, to his eyes. Jin swipes quickly at them, stubbornly refusing to cry.

"I know you are," he says, proud of having a steady voice.

"Good," Yoongi says. "You'd better. Your other family sucks. We're much better."

It is, he thinks, nothing more or less than fact, indisputable. He doubts Seokjin would even try. On his periphery, Yoongi can see him try to wipe his eyes discreetly; it's hard to miss the way Seokjin shifts against his side, though. He's just not about to comment.

"Don't say that," Seokjin says but it's just a token protest and they both know it. He'd also never dare to say it out loud but of all of them, Jin thinks he got off the lightest if they compared. At least his family provides for him and makes it so he can provide for them.

"But I love you guys. It's true."

Yoongi is pretty sure he's never actually going to stop saying that Seokjin's family sucks. He won't say it again today, but there's always the future. It's not his fault that it's just true.

"Because we're the best," he says simply. "It's just what you deserve. Besides, we like it here."

Seokjin huffs out a laugh, nodding. "It's true," he agrees. His family, the real one gathered in this apartment, are the people who matter. He hates to think it because he knows it makes him a bad son but if it came down to his blood family and the six friends here? Seokjin would turn his back on his family in a second.

"I like this place better when you're all here."

It's hardly a revelation, but it still makes Yoongi a little sad. He doesn't like to think of Seokjin here by himself in between their visits, bored at best or desperately lonely. He really does deserve better than that. Yoongi just has no idea how to give it to him.

"Maybe you should get a roommate," he says lightly. "Pretty sure any of us would love to move out of our homes." There's a part of him that wants to joke about his own circumstances, about how he'll need a place to stay if his father ever finds out about him, but it's too sad a joke to make, too true, for a party.

"What do you think I've been trying to do with one of you for the past year?" he retorts. It's certainly not from a lack of trying, he'd say, but he also knows that each of them has a reason for not leaving his situation behind. Health, family, pride. All of them prevent them from walking away.

You should stay over tonight though. All of you but definitely my koyoong-i cat."

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