ineedanepiphany | (no subject)

He doesn't actually know what to say to Yoongi, isn't exactly sure how to even say it to himself. It's scary to talk about but of the six of them, he think Yoongi has a better idea of who he is than most. They're the closest in age and, Seokjin thinks, Yoongi is one of the most observant of them all. Seokjin, though intensely private, isn't a stone.

He has his giveaways, just like anyone else. He just wishes they weren't tells to such big, uncomfortable secrets. If he could just conform, it would be easier, but he stupidly has to inject hope where it doesn't belong. Sometimes he sees the way Jimin's eyes linger on Hoseok, his mouth pursing when they talk about their noona at their studio. He shouldn't encourage that. He also shouldn't talk about his future and leave the gender of his partner undecided. It's just that not doing that feels like too much of a lie, when he can't even talk about it.

Waiting for Yoongi to arrive, Seokjin fidgets. He makes hot water for tea, peruses the fridge, gets out a bag of crackers and then puts it back and takes it out again. He should offer a snack, after all.

He just waits, uncomfortably, for that knock on the door.

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Yoongi can't fault him for that either or, for once, take it as any kind of reflection of himself. He was just terrified to say the words, even with Seokjin already out and suspecting. Saying it into the void, hoping for the best, that must have been frightening as fuck. Yoongi's pretty sure he's not brave enough to do something like that.

"Well, I know now," he says. "That's something, right?" And Seokjin knows about him. There's one person in the world who knows his secret and he doesn't have to be alone with it anymore. It's going to take some getting used to, but he thinks — hopes — this is a good thing.

Seokjin nods and lets himself exhale the breath he feels like he's been holding with his entire soul. "It's a big something." He risks putting an arm around Yoongi, hugging his friend sideways.

The opposite is also true for Yoongi. Now Seokjin knows. Now he's not alone with that.

"I did actually ask you over to study if you wanted but..." But who cares now. "Want to have something delivered and find a stupid drama to watch?"

The responsible thing to do would be to study, of course. But after all of this, Yoongi is feeling a little drained, and the idea of just relaxing for a while is too appealing to resist.

"Yeah," he says, nodding, "that sounds good. What do you want to get?" Truthfully, though he wouldn't say as much, he actually enjoys stupid dramas. Sometimes when he's down, the mindless predictability of them is all he can handle watching.

"Pasta," he says, because difficult and emotional confessions require carbohydrates that have been overwrought with cheese. It's got to be a law somewhere, right? "With mm. Some kind of meat. I want beef maybe?" It goes unspoken that he can afford it. And he feels guilty enough about this whole thing to treat Yoongi.

"What drama should we watch?"

"That sounds really good," Yoongi says. He can't even bring himself to feel bad about taking advantage of Seokjin's generosity. He wouldn't offer if he couldn't afford it, and, anyway, Yoongi knows there's no point in arguing that it's unnecessary. "Let's do that. Um..." He shakes his head, shrugs. "I don't know what to watch. Something lighter." He doesn't need something overly serious right now. Some kind of ridiculous romance sounds about perfect.

"Rooftop Prince?" Seokjin proposes. "Strong Girl Boon-Jong? Shut Up! Flower Boy Band?" The last one is a tease. The whole Flower series of dramas seemed largely designed to focus on eye candy rather than anything of actual consequence but, well, they both like men. So why not?

Yoongi scoffs at the last offering. It's not like any of the dramas have much in the way of substance, but right now, he needs something he can be a little more invested in. Cute guys will only go so far in keeping his mind from wandering too much. "Let's do Strong Girl," he says. "Are we making the food or ordering?"

When he says we, of course, he mostly means Jin. One of these days, maybe he'll make Jin teach him how to cook, but he doubts he'd be any good at it.

"Ordering," he says. Now that the worst of the confessions is done with, Seokjin feels light enough to return to his usual levels of drama. "I'm too emotional to cook!" To make a point of how emotional he is, Seokjin grabs a cracker off the plate and steps back to the couch, dropping into its plush embrace like a doll.

He lounges there for a moment before rolling over to find his television remote so he can find the promised drama.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, but he's smiling even so. Seokjin's dramatics may verge on too much now and then, but right now, there's a certain relief in the levity that comes with them. They're okay. He has to keep telling himself that, because it feels a little like the sky should have come crashing down just because they said the words aloud, but it won't. Every passing moment that proves true, he feels a little lighter.

"I wouldn't want your feelings to compromise the food," he says wryly. "So that's for the best."

"Come here," Seokjin says, making room in his sprawl for Yoongi to join him, even lean on him. They've curled together before, the warmth between them entirely platonic. Why should it be any different now? Seokjin would be a little heartbroken, honestly, if that was the thing to change.

"Let's do Mr. Pizza. They have pasta and fries and everything. What do you want?" Seokjin has already made his case for pasta but if they do this chain, they'll have options.