Seokjin (HYYH RP) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ineedanepiphany) wrote2019-03-23 11:01 pm
ineedanepiphany) wrote2019-03-23 11:01 pm
Happy endings gone forever more [25 June, Year 20]
Seokjin keeps staring at the noticeboard, his head buzzing emptily. 25 June. This is his fault. This is, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the result of him giving away their classroom. This is the result of his cowardice. On and on in his head, he keeps reading that list to himself, going in order of his failures. He should have been brave enough not to inform to the principal. He should have been moral enough to refuse to be intimidated. Barring those, he should have at least had the courage not to hide from his friends.
If he’d warned them, he’s almost certain they would have hated him, cast him out of the group, no matter what defense Namjoon might have had. Namjoon’s gone now anyway. In his place, as the eldest, shouldn’t Seokjin have stepped up instead of hidden? Instead, he’d been so afraid of losing them that he kept his secret, delaying the explanation again and again until it was too late.
Namjoon’s gone. No one has heard from Yoongi either. He can see from the deadening in Jungkook’s eyes that Yoongi hasn’t replied to even him. If he’d been brave enough, they’d still have Yoongi, wouldn’t they? Seokjin wouldn’t have been anyone’s loss but without Yoongi…
He should have been so much better than this. Instead, he’d ratted them out, made two people’s lives hell in the process.
They don’t need him and Seokjin doesn’t deserve to be their friend after what he’s done.
For months now, he’s had four envelopes stashed away in a drawer. Three of them are written in Hangul, welcoming to universities in and around Seoul. None of them are SKY but they’re good schools. He thinks his father might even have given him a faint nod of something like approval for the achievement.
The last envelope has embossed type in English and then a hastily added sticker in Hangul for the local post. It welcomes him to a prestigious university in California, practically falling over itself to offer him incentives to come to the States. It must look very good to have international students like him if they’re trying so hard.
When the envelope had arrived in March, he hadn’t thought much of it. At the time, he’d been riding high with six people that he loved more than he thought he’d ever loved before. He’d had Namjoon. It’s only been three months since he felt so sure of himself but it’s also another lifetime that belongs to a better, more courageous man than Kim Seokjin.
They won’t forgive him for leaving like this but they already won’t forgive him for the classroom, for ruining Yoongi’s life.
Reading off the temporary login pin, Seokjin opens up the university website. It’s almost disheartening how quick and mundane it is to turn in his confirmation that he will be starting at Stanford University this fall.
It’s for the best, he tries to tell himself. He never deserved them.
If he’d warned them, he’s almost certain they would have hated him, cast him out of the group, no matter what defense Namjoon might have had. Namjoon’s gone now anyway. In his place, as the eldest, shouldn’t Seokjin have stepped up instead of hidden? Instead, he’d been so afraid of losing them that he kept his secret, delaying the explanation again and again until it was too late.
Namjoon’s gone. No one has heard from Yoongi either. He can see from the deadening in Jungkook’s eyes that Yoongi hasn’t replied to even him. If he’d been brave enough, they’d still have Yoongi, wouldn’t they? Seokjin wouldn’t have been anyone’s loss but without Yoongi…
He should have been so much better than this. Instead, he’d ratted them out, made two people’s lives hell in the process.
They don’t need him and Seokjin doesn’t deserve to be their friend after what he’s done.
For months now, he’s had four envelopes stashed away in a drawer. Three of them are written in Hangul, welcoming to universities in and around Seoul. None of them are SKY but they’re good schools. He thinks his father might even have given him a faint nod of something like approval for the achievement.
The last envelope has embossed type in English and then a hastily added sticker in Hangul for the local post. It welcomes him to a prestigious university in California, practically falling over itself to offer him incentives to come to the States. It must look very good to have international students like him if they’re trying so hard.
When the envelope had arrived in March, he hadn’t thought much of it. At the time, he’d been riding high with six people that he loved more than he thought he’d ever loved before. He’d had Namjoon. It’s only been three months since he felt so sure of himself but it’s also another lifetime that belongs to a better, more courageous man than Kim Seokjin.
They won’t forgive him for leaving like this but they already won’t forgive him for the classroom, for ruining Yoongi’s life.
Reading off the temporary login pin, Seokjin opens up the university website. It’s almost disheartening how quick and mundane it is to turn in his confirmation that he will be starting at Stanford University this fall.
It’s for the best, he tries to tell himself. He never deserved them.